Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
