did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
