I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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