you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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