I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
