you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
