got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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