Don't you send me to vm
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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