Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We're too hungover to prance.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
