So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
