this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
