So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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