may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
