O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
