We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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