I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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