I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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