I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize