i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
