I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
