our cab driver is having phone sex.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
