I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
