In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
