Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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