I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish i was in the wii world.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
