New invention idea: vibrating tampons
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
