please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize