I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
