the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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