...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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