i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
