You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
