Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
