well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
