I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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