I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
