i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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