he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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