if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
