I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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