i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
