I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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