Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
