we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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