I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
