It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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