i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize