hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
