I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think a kid would responsible me up
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
