heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize