When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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