I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
