alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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