Your face is a jimmy john
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize