I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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