mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
