Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
