the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
