So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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