where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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