If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
