she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
pray to the hookup gods
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize