Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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