the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
