my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
