im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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