Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
