and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
