Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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