i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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