...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
