just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
