she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
