The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
