okay pat passed out under dana's car
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
