when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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