Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
