somebody snuck up and got me drunk
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
