mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
