Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
