he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
