When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
