well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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