sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
