We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
