I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize