Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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