So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
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