What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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