I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
