Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
