I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
