I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
