Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
