just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How does one acquire holy water?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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