Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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