you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
