u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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