is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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