When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
