Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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