we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
where are my eyebrows?
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