Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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