I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
