I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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