He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
