been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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