I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
